BACK TO SCHOOL MESSAGE FOR SPECIAL NEEDS MOMS

Given a crisis anywhere, I would choose another special needs mom by my side over a Navy Seal or Delta Force. We become experts in intuitive problem solving, scenario planning, pivoting and scaffolding skills. Special needs moms are the MacGyver’s of parenting.

For special needs families, back to school is an entirely different level of master planning. By mid August, we have rooted out the general education expectations from the depths of the school website, reviewed the science curriculum, the IEP and assessed each class trip to plan for our children’s special needs.

And yet, you won’t hear us talk about our lists at the grade level coffees, mostly because…
It’s personal to our children’s needs and we protect their privacy 
We don’t seek sympathy or pity
Most just wouldn’t get it… and that’s OK too

Insert personal story here….it was third grade and I did exactly what was recommended by the back to school SPED articles. I wrote a cheat-sheet distilling down my child’s entire IEP into one page and scheduled a meeting with the general education teacher for the first week of school.

This was my fourth year in the IEP game and I was not about to let it slide into mid or late September. I met with the general ed teacher to explain a concern that there be a plan this year for read aloud so he could participate in the general ed classroom since last year he was left out.

She said that she had an advanced degree in reading and was confident that my son would catch up in her class and because reading was a developmental process, not to worry about a thing - she had it all covered. The meeting was done. I still remember the feeling of heat rising on my face.

I was entering my third year of being subtly or not so subtly dismissed by the System. Despite an IEP and all evidence to the contrary, somehow my child was going to be “just fine”? I fired off facts about Dyslexia and left the carefully worded one sheet on her desk.

Cut to the end of the story, he didn’t do “just fine” in reading that year or the next or the one after that. But thanks to my advocate, he did memorize his writing to read aloud in advance because she knew to ask for it.

My advocate taught me to persistently push the System back then. To specify that the general ed and special ed teachers would have dedicated time to plan his IEP program.

Lesson learned, teachers are not given the time they need to implement or collect data on your child’s IEP. Even that is left on parents to fight for their teachers to have planning time.

It is important to share that while most teachers do not behave this way. All to often, parents receive an undercurrent of “it’s developmental, they’ll eventually catch up” in IEP meetings. Even when the parent is expressing concerns directly related to their child’s diagnosis, test results and after they have an IEP.

This is just one of the many reasons why special needs moms learn quickly, when it comes to an education…we are in a constant state of feeling already behind, rushing to catch up, striving to plan to meet our child’s future educational needs. It’s not even back to school and it is already exhausting.

Imagine a few moments in your day if you could put down the list and the planning. I ask this with humble compassion because I’ve earned a PhD in relentlessly planning ahead for the potential educational needs of my own children.

I decided to listen daily to guided meditations this summer. My first discovery was that one of my legs fell asleep each time I sat cross legged on my bolster. Undeterred by a week of alternating numb legs, I finally asked my yoga teacher and she taught me the hero pose. I sit for 15 minutes a day now comfortably. Small changes can make a big difference. I’d been faking the meditation thing for a while when my second discovery was I experienced fleeting moments and then more of stillness and calm.

My intention for moms during your back to school season, is to allow yourself the gift of time to lay down the gauntlet. For just a few minutes a day, every day… do something less, anything that settles your body and rests your mind.